People think because I’m married I can’t relate to their relationship woes. That’s ridiculous! In marriages there are so many ups and downs, all decisions are joint, you can be making this person miserable, y’all can mess up your kids if you don’t teach them right… I can continue if I have to. I’m just saying, just because you’re married doesn’t mean you don’t have issues. And just because you may have issues DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE UNHAPPY! I repeat, just because you may experience some of these issues does NOT mean you don’t love your spouse or that anything is wrong with your marriage. It’s NORMAL to experience anxiety and often stress about things in your marriage or long-term relationships.
People who say they never argue with their partners, I’m sorry I do not trust them! Every successful marriage I know has a couple who has or has had arguments. I’m not talking about Hulk rage blow ups all the time or abuse. I’m talking about simple arguments, who didn’t pay this bill, who ate the last what not, don’t yell at the kids, stop driving so fast, I need help cleaning, what you staring at, I don’t want to watch football today! Lol… And I know those were a wide array of topics but you get my drift. Although some arguments go way deeper than that, if the love is behind the arguments still there is light behind that darkness.
I was talking to one of my newly single friends the other day, and she was telling me how being single and dating is so hard. And I do believe it is. You have to meet a brand new person, go places with that person, get used to that person, like that person, trust them, learn the subtle changes in behavior that individual makes when their mood changes. I mean I get it, but I hate she thinks I don’t. You have to be vulnerable to a new person and sometimes putting yourself out there can be scary. We all were single once upon a time, and we’ve all been a girlfriend or boyfriend before marriage.
I just say use common sense while dating, a person can’t hide their true colors for too long. Give them a chance to be themselves good or bad, so you know what you’re getting in. Also, if you were in a committed relationship for a long time, and they made you miserable, cheated on you, or hurt you over and over again remember that it wasn’t your fault! So don’t take what the last one did into a new relationship, holding on to the thought that people are all the same and waiting for them to hurt you is setting the relationship up for failure. Start fresh, leave those old feelings, pain, and stress in the trash with your ex. Emerge with enthusiasm and grace, be greatness gift wrapped in beauty my dear!
Don’t be afraid to say “this isn’t working” while dating before things get too serious. The problem in so many relationships is you’re afraid to be honest with that person. I tell or have told my husband everything and I mean good things as well as shit he needs/needed to change! If someone gets use to doing or saying something that you don’t like, but you don’t tell them you have a problem with it they’re going to KEEP doing it. For instance, before me and my husband we’re married while dating he would interrupt me when I was talking. Not intrusive or spiteful, but it was enough to bother me. He’s a very shy person around people, so I was just happy he got so comfortable around me. But in mid conversation he would laugh or start talking about something else. So one day I waited for him to do it and he did. So I said “why do you always cut me off?” And he was quiet for a little bit, then he said “I just like you my bad, and I want you to know I’m really listening.” I felt kinda stupid making such a big deal about it for a second, then we talked about how I knew we were engaged in good conversation and how when I got interrupted or cut off it made me feel like my words didn’t matter. He apologized again, and that was the beginning of us not holding back from one another. I love and respect you enough to be truthful with you, should be something you stand by. You may have arguments or disagreements, but as long as it can be fixed or talked about it can work.
(Me and my husband)
And for the people newly single that were use to having partners or spouses, it is not too late for your joy road! Joy road is your path to unlimited joy, happiness, and truth. You can find it alone or with someone, either way that’s what I strive for. I found my joy road, some days may be rainier or bumpier then others, but it doesn’t last long and smoothness returns.