I never really like to talk about things that are clearly visible and without need of addressing or saying aloud. Like I won’t say “the sky is so blue!” When everyone sees it’s hue. Nor would I say “that sky sure is pretty, to be blue.”I know I’m being a little simple with some examples, but I just want somebody to feel what I’m about to discuss. Understand it, learn from it, and talk about it.If you have to say “FOR A” or “EVEN THOUGH” after giving a supposed compliment, that’s not a compliment! One of the things that made me hate myself as a child was the ruthless name calling and teasing because of my dark skin color. In my home pretty brown skin was beautiful, praised, and treated equally. It wasn’t until I moved to North Carolina that I even knew there was a difference between a light skin black person and a dark skinned one.
Yuck, she has cooties all on her black skin
Baba black sheep!
Ugly dark girl…
I dreaded going to school, my mom started seeing changes in me and then came my questions. What’s wrong with me? Why am I dark mommy? Can I get lighter so kids will like me?! This was mine and so many other brown skinned girls lifes.In high school it was more subtle. Plus if you dressed nice, was kind of cool, had a decent body, and wasn’t a “for everybody” girl they didn’t bother you. By then though my self esteem was so low, but I had built up this shield of false confidence. So that even when I got backwards compliments I actually accepted them!
“You a cute dark skin”
“You don’t even look like you should be dark girl”
“You don’t act dark skinned”
“You a pretty one”
“You pretty for a dark skin girl!”
How does a dark skinned girl look or act? Pretty one…am I a puppy? And the worse one to me, pretty for a dark skin girl! Those are NOT COMPLIMENTS, those are “in spite of” RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL fake uplifting comments. That’s like a man walking up to another man saying “I bet you please your wife, but I can do it better!” Do you hear me now??!
Stop it y’all, your children are witnessing this behavior and mimicking it. They’re going to school bringing down some beautiful brown child’s self esteem and self worth. I was suicidal at 9 years old. I hated everything about myself, and it was nothing my parents could say to make me feel otherwise.It wasn’t until I was 15 years old that I began to accept, respect, and truly love myself! I stopped comparing myself to light skin girls because we were not in competition. We were sisters, and my best friend Deshaundra a very light skinned girl aided me in that journey. She was the complete opposite of me. Short, I was 5’6. Super skinny, I was curvy. Very shy, I was outgoing… But we shared so much respect and started uplifting one another without even realizing it. Her insecurities I shut down! We started to dress alike and go everywhere together, I loved and still love her to this day! Shaundra saved me, and allowed my soul to soften just enough to let my future husband in.(Me and Shaundra)(One of my beautiful high school friends and I)
I just want to tell anyone who is colorist and thinks one skin tone is better than the next, to remember our feelings are not stronger than yours. Being dark skinned doesn’t give you magical bounce that allows rude teasing to just float away. We hurt too, and for those still living in self hate please open your eyes! Beauty isn’t based off skin tone, it’s based off personality, respect, and how you carry yourself. You can be the prettiest person, but you’re mean and disrespectful so that makes you ugly! Not your skin tone.Love yourself in spite of what anyone else thinks of you, and when you walk in your truth that stride is PERFECTION❤