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I’m tired of hiding behind this smile

The thoughts attack me like a pit bull on the neck of a chiwawa. Why me???! Why me??! Why US??! WE have endured pain that’s sometimes inexplicable. But we must smile and be pretty and not complain, that’s the game!

So when he touched us we mustn’t say a word. We must maintain great mental health, never fall down from weakness and stay strong. Black woman…fist up, Afros out, confident even when we feel like shit. You betta suck it up black chick. We must smile and be pretty and not complain, that’s the game!

He stole our innocence, but when I inhale and get high I should be ashamed. But yo he still free, nobody judge him. But if I get high to numb the pain he caused I’m weak?! You betta stop playing Black Wombman, our men need us. We must smile and be pretty and not complain, that’s the game!

My mind is everywhere, I can’t think straight. I need to see a doctor cause these feelings ain’t normal. I don’t want to hurt myself, I just hurt so bad. I really need a doctor. But heyyy Black Queen, you betta stop all that white people talk. We don’t see no head doctors, they the crazy ones not us. Stop talking crazy and go to church. The devil trying to stop yo shine. We must smile and be pretty and not complain, that’s the game!

I’m tired of being strong. I want justice for what he did to me. I want other women and girls to know they should never be ashamed to tell somebody. I want to prevent this from being the norm in families. The silent mind killer is what I call it. Because being molested or sexually assaulted can kill a young woman’s mind. We are forever changed because of what was done to us! Let’s no longer be the quiet ones Black Queens, let us SPEAK UP AND STOP THE STIGMA!!! Cause you know we must smile and be pretty and not complain, that’s the game!

*For all the surviving warriors of sexual abuse, I speak from my prospective as a Black woman. But this is for all of us, men and woman and all races who survive each day the best way they can. Who keep smiling even when the memories make you want to give up. Who raise families, even when our fear of what happened to us sometimes suffocates our children. Stand strong together warriors, we beat them each day we continue to breathe!*

#MeTooBlackGirl #MeToo #TheSilentMindKiller #SpeakUp #DestigmatizeMentalIllness #HeDidItToMeToo #IAmNotAshamed #WarriorNotVictim #NoMore #YouLostISurvived

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